If I have any wisdom to dispense to anyone, it is the following:
1. Pretending to be happy is absolutely exhausting. If you aren't happy, don't try to fake it, things will only get hurt. Rather, you need to be honest about what you are feeling and search everywhere you can for someone who is willing and able to listen to you and/or help you.
2. If you are depressed - so depressed that you can't get out of bed and do the simplest acts, like bathing yourself - don't think it can't get any worse. It can. I would recommend reminding yourself that it can get worse. Don't imaging specific scenarios or tell yourself that there are other people out there who have it worse off than you; that will get you to obsess about the negative possibilities or feel tremendous guilt over not being involved in social justice issues. Those things don't matter. Getting out of bed matters. Why? Because it can get worse, and it will if you stay in bed.
3. If you have hit that moment where killing yourself sounds like the best idea possible, when you are even imagining killing yourself just to stay calm, dont' actually try to kill yourself. I really want this one to be clear; it ties in with #2 up there. If you try to kill yourself and do not succeed (and lets face it, you're depressed to the point of irrational thinking, so your chances of success in this venture are actually quite lower than you realize) you will find that things are far worse than you ever could have imagined.
You see, the people you already alienated by listening to the negative voice in your head saying, "No one likes me. Poor me," actually do like you, or at least did when you weren't stewing in your own mental anguish, and they're going to be pretty pissed off that you tried to kill yourself. I know this seems far fetched, but they will be hurt and angry with you. The real downside of this is that you are going to need your family and friends more than you ever have before, because you have fallen off a pretty high cliff and are now trying to find a foothold in roaring rapids. There is no way you will get better by yourself, but you are going to have to grip a wet and slippery rock so you can drag your sorry ass out of the water long enough to wave for help with a white flag of surrender. In order to get the help you need, you are going to have to find some way to show people that you want to live and that you have a sincere wish to change. Then you are going to have to wait for them to believe it.
Why am I sharing all of this? Because I'm still dealing with the fallout of trying to kill myself (obviously I was depressed to the point of irrational thinking, so by chances of success in that venture were actually quite lower than I realized, and I failed). I went to the hospital, made choices based on emotions and what I thought other people wanted me to do, and moved away from my support system (which I had, they were just burnt out and tired). Not only that, I then proceeded to dump the entirety of my crazy onto just two people...which is not a kind thing to do. After trying to be happy in just about every wrong way, I see that I need my friends and family like never before.
So now I seem to have come almost full circle. I can't really do much because my physical health has deteriorated (thanks for slipping again, discs in my back - and also to you fibromyalgia for being the worst you ever have been) and I am so very lonely. All I can think of are hugs from my family, going to church with my sisters, and drinking some Bud Light amongst the best group I ever worked with. I'm coming home, but I don't know when. I still don't have money, and I don't necessarily have a place to live once I get home, yet that would seem to be the place I need to be. Hopefully I can figure this one out soon, and also stop crying every day so I can be a bit more productive.
Oh, and:
4. If your dad has doubts about a life altering decision you are making, listen to him. Good dads are right 99.9999999999999999% of the time, but they can't always swoop in and save you if you make the wrong choice.
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