So far I am having a great day hanging out with the little man in my life, my best friend's 5 year old son. He's pretty awesome. First we chilled in pajamas and watched TV, then it was time to get dressed, and now we're going to watch Ponyo; or we will watch it as soon as Netflix decides to retrieve it at a rate that is quicker than a lame snail.
I like hanging out with my little man, because he pretty much loves the heck out of me no matter what. He thinks I'm cool and asks for me to come over sometimes. It's funny that the pursuing I've wanted from other men has come in the innocent form of a five year old boy.
I've spent a lot of time in my life pining after different boys, then half-boy half-men hybrids, and finally men. I've wanted them to desire my presence in their lives and be content sitting with me in silence watching a movie or even reading a book. Don't get me wrong, I also want that passionate love at the beginning of a relationship, but mostly I have wanted companionship and comfort from a man.
The older I get, the more I realise that this is something I cannot force to happen. I have pursued quite a few men and it has not gone well for me. I end up with a broken heart, and they end up becoming absent in my life. Yet it is hard to just let it happen. I've just always had a problem believing that a man will decide all on his own that he wants to be with me.
So why am I writing this down? Because this five year old boy has begun to show me that it is possible for someone of the opposite sex to desire my attentions and affections. Obviously, it is not a romantic relationship, no pedophilia here, but it's a cute and adorable unexpected lesson that came from an unexpected source; I am worth loving.
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