Tomorrow we will be having an estate sale for pretty much everything in my grandparents' house. I spent yesterday cleaning off furniture and watching as a price tag was put on things so familiar and dear to me. It did come to me, as I was dusting the computer desk in the blue room, that I really don't want a lot of these things. I got a few items from the house after Grandpa passed, and they are just things that bring back memories of my grandparents.
The funny thing is that even though I have the objects that I do, it doesn't really matter where everything goes. Grandma and Grandpa are gone and have no use for them, and it makes sense to sell them. Yet still, I am sad.
I realised fully, for the first time, that life will be different from here on out. Someone with no relation to me will buy the house. It will not be the safe place it always was. Many things will be changed; the color of the walls, the furniture, and probably the entire kitchen. The new owners will probably not have incense burning in the kitchen all the time, and I am sure they won't have the same smell as Grandma did. The house is already starting to look like an empty shell, and soon I will have no reason to go there.
Thankfully I can remember the both of them, and I have pictures. I think that's better than a dresser set or dining room table any day. I don't like this change, but I haven't liked a lot of changes lately. I'm getting through this though; step by step I seem to be gaining some ground. I will in fact be in an outpatient treatment facility during the days starting tomorrow. It's embarassing, humility inducing, and a bit of hope.
In the words of Ok Go: "Let it go this too shall pass"
That has to be extremely difficult to go to that house and be inside it let alone see it disintegrate from the house that you once knew it to be.
ReplyDeleteWhen my grandma died my mom kept a lot of her furniture and her possessions and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT, like enough to furnish a small house. I hated it. Seeing all of my grandma's belongings in my house was just weird. I agree with you that pictures and memories are more comforting than having tangible items.
As for being in outpatient treatment… well that shows that you have strength just for the simple fact that you are getting help. So kudos to you ☺ and even though I don't know you all that well, I’m proud of you!