Being a patient in a day program is feeling a bit surreal. I feel as if I have switched places with the girls at the group home I worked at. The only difference is that I am alert and listening, and some are...not very open to what is happening. Oh, and I am in fact finding myself judging, which I really need to stop doing.
This past Friday was my first day there, and I was pretty stoked because I was having terrible side-effects to two newer medications. And trust me, side effects like hallucinations, dry mouth, and confusion are not fun at all. I wasn't having any hardcore hallucinations, it just always seemed like there was something in my peripheral vision. Thankfully the doc pulled me off of those right away, but I'm still waiting for the dry mouth and confusion to go away.
In addition to the day program, I find myself having to attempt to get public assistance for things like rent and the phone bill. I have found that you literally have to jump through flaming hoops to get anything done. That, or pop out a kid. It may sound a little vain, but I worked 3 years in behavioral health and don't have a child that I can't provide for; it seems I should get some kudos for that. It'd be great to hear a worker say, "Hey! Way to go on that whole keeping your legs shut thing! That was a really good idea." In saying this, I know that some people were responsible by using protection that just didn't work...they deserve some kudos as well.
It feels weird going to day treatment every day, and I don't like that I am not working. My poor sisters are stressed to their limits about getting the bills paid, and I might have to ask my dad for money. I want to get better, and apparently this is a part of how to do it. I know what I am supposed to do; it's the action of doing it that seems to be the problem. Practice coping, practice dealing with irritability, learn to live every day of my life with depression. I think I know what that will look like, because Ive faked it before. The interesting thing is going to be how it will make me feel.
I feel that this post is long enough, so I'm going to snuggle with my kitty Luella because she's in a rare snuggle me mood.
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