It's interesting that I find myself more worn out from 6 hours of my current day treatment program than I was when I worked ten and a half hour shifts. It can be exhausting discussing your emotions, triggers, and coping skills for a whole day. And it isn't just your emotions, triggers, and coping skills, but also those of at least 7 other adults. Add to that an irritable mood, the worry of how I'm going to pay rent (the worry about how I'm going to pay anything), and a new person in the group that is annoying me to death, and you have my day yesterday.
I don't think I've ever cried and told anyone to stop fucking talking who I was not related to; that makes yesterday a definite first. It was towards the end of the day and people were talking about all the problems they have had for years trying to get financial services and aid when they could not work, due to the fact that theirs was a mental illness rather than physical. After a day of listening to the annoying woman who would not shut up about anything, I was already close to my breaking point. Then to hear people talk about the years it took them to get any kind of aid and how hard everything was, while I am just at the beginning of trying to get help, pushed me right over the edge. I dropped the F-bomb more than i care to admit; the S-grenade was thrown a few times as well. I went through a small box of tissues on my own as I cried like a baby. After this, the group was over and we all played a board game for rec therapy.
All of this has an influence on why I took the day off from day treatment. I'm not doing much today other than helping my sister through a hard day and trying to write a poem. I don't know why I am writing a poem, but I am going to write one.
Everyone has their breaking point. Worrying about financial issues and then on top of that having all of the people in your group talk about all of their struggles getting assistance and the length of time it took to actually get assistance; now I think anyone in your shoes and in your position would be overwhelmed by that. I couldn't say that I wouldn't have reacted any different if I were in a position worrying about money and I had someone telling me I wasn't going to get help for years. I probably would have flipped the F out. Now do I think that that is the best most mature approperiate reaction, no, but thats what happens when a breaking point is reached right? Maybe you needed to reach your breaking point and break down. Isn't that what is said needs to happen before one can begin to heal?
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