Good Friday

I love Jesus, but I haven't been to church in a long while. I still have some negative feelings regarding my old church and how things went down there. However, today I got a last minute invite from a friend to attend a Good Friday service. It was something I needed; being around other believers can really lift my spirit.

I think it's time for me to look for a new church. I grew up going to the same church until I was 24. At that time the amount of people coming to church was exceeding the amount of people the church could hold. The elders of the church decided that we would merge with a larger church. I did not like the larger church. I found the sermons to be lacking in depth, and it felt sort of commercial. I couldn't serve in the same way I had before, and I was feeling loss and frustration at the loss of families I had known for years (some decided to find new churches). I was even discouraged from working with the youth group, which I had been doing for 2-3 before. It was crushing.

I stopped going to church until some of the people from my old church started up a new church. At first I was really excited, but the excitement left when I had feelings of anger. I felt hurt that some of the people who had voted to merge churches were now making a different church in a way to fix their mistakes.

Soon after this, I started getting panic attacks at the thought of going to church. I'm sad to say that it drove me even further from fellowship.

It was so good to be in a church tonight and to meditate on Christ's death on a cross for my sins. It never ceases to amaze me that Jesus would allow himself to be beaten, broken, and killed to save the sins of the world. When I look at my life in comparison with the sacrifice made by God it makes me want to be a better person. I feel good tonight, and I feel inspired.

So from here I'll probably check out some churches. I don't know where I'll end up, but I know I need an opportunity to serve and have fellowship with other believers. Who knows, maybe I could even work with a youth group again.

Whatever happens, tonight I feel hope.